Star Trek Oneshots
by Spawn of Madness
Summary: Not the best title i agree but it gets the point across, just a bunch of oneshots that i wrote for Star trek and never got around to posting when i did. Has my OC Tala and most of them are Bones OC but there are other fun things to be read so enjoy!
1. You're Back

"God damnit Jim if you don't smarten up the next time I let you bleed to death on the front lawn!" I heard an angry hiss. I stopped typing and turned my head.

"Oh come on Bones I'm fine." There was a crash.

"You idiot you are not fine now get your ass up on the table before I make you."

"Awe that's sweet Bones."

"Shut up." I stood and cautiously walked over to the office door, it hissed open and two men in cadet uniforms looked at me.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Tala?" The man who was standing asked in surprise.

"Who's she?" the cadet slumped over the table asked stupidly.

"It's Tala you idiot." The former man smacked his friend upside the head.

"Ouch I'm a patient you meanie."

"What are you two doing?"

"Jim here got into another fight," he paused giving me a once over. "I didn't think you were coming back."

"Yeah well about that…" I folded my arms guiltily.

"Whatever will you help me with this?" he asked waved a hand at Jim.

"Sure."


	2. We Should Try This

I plopped down on the couch making one of the cushions that had been on its edge decide that it was as good a time as any to commit suicide. I immediately stood back up and began pacing again. I turned my hands, they were shaking bad and I couldn't seem to calm down. I heard a knock and almost jumped out of my skin. I ran over to the door and pressed of my pointed ears against it.

"Tala damn it open up," I heard the gruff voice of my friend and sighed in relief. "It's freakin cold out here." I unlocked it with a click of a button and the metal door hissed open. McCoy stood just out side arms folded trademark scowl occupying his face.

"Sorry." I said with a small smile.

"Sure, can I come in or are you still mad about the storage job and now this damned cold is some kind of pay back." He raised a brow.

I laughed. "No sure come in," I stepped aside and allowed him to enter. About a week ago Leonard assigned Christine and me to clean out the medical storage room and damn that is a mess that would make Klingons cry. "Want something to drink?" I asked.

"Sure thanks." He attempted a smile.

"Hey you keep scowling and your face is gonna stick like that."

"Darlin this is my face." He grinned and I laughed again.

"Oh no that one's scarier, put it back." I grabbed a kettle out of a replicator and poured some of the steaming brown liquid into a cup and handed it to him.

"Don't be like that, from what I hear you think my smile is _handsome_." He put extra emphasis on the last word as he sat down on the couch avoiding the suicidal pillow on the floor. I blushed and avoided looking at him as I followed.

"Jim told you about that didn't he?"

"Oh in gross detail," Leonard shuddered. "Some of it was interesting, the parts about you were very interesting." He grinned again and I punched him.

"Shut up, I'm sure Kirk has plenty of McCoy tales floating around that my ears would just love to get a hold of."

"He wouldn't."

"Oh please, you know Jim can't say no to me." It was my turn to grin and he just glared at me.

"Hey it's not my fault you like to talk about me when you get _really _drunk."

My face flared up again.

"I-I didn't say that much…"

"Oh a full report darlin."

"Oh God I don't even want to know." I groaned burying my face in my hands.

"Hey don't get me wrong I am extremely flattered that you think about me so much," there was a cruel tease to his voice. His hand patted my shoulder. "But honestly some of it was kinda creepy."

"Oh shut up Leonard." I smacked his arm.

"Oh come on, you didn't drag me over here just to not hear about your little over board drinking episode and to abuse me now did you?" His eyes narrowed and I knew what he was thinking.

"I don't know." Was all I offered.

"You don't know? Really, that's the best you can do?" He was sarcastic but I sensed a little irritation.

"Yeah, I don't Leonard I just…" I trailed off looking away from him.

"Hey," He grabbed my hand pulling me back to him. He placed his fingers under my chin forcing me to look at him. "Don't tell me that didn't mean anything because we both know better."

"I know but…" He didn't let me finish.

"Tala, I know we're good friends and I don't want to mess that up anymore than you do but I really think we should try this."

"What?" My eyes widened in surprise. "Really?"

"Yeah, I've been thinking it over and it sounds stupider every time but somehow it just felt right." He got that scowl back on his face I could tell it was annoying him.

"Leonard," I smiled touching his fingers with mine gently. "I don't want either of us to get hurt."

"I wont hurt you Tala." He looked a little frustrated that I would think that.

"I wasn't necessarily talking about me." I smiled sadly. He frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"My uncle." I answered simply and a look of understanding came onto his face. No further words were necessary; my uncle was a well-known rant topic of mine. Leonard made a face.

"Who gives a damn what he thinks?" And then he did it again; he broke my little barrier and kissed me. I was stunned at first but couldn't help myself and leaned into it. I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy his touch because I knew it would never be allowed to go further. When he pulled away I met his gaze with watery eyes.

"I don't, but he has control over me and he wont let this happen."

"Would you just shut up about your uncle and his stupid control issues," he glared at me. "He doesn't own you and you don't have to do everything he says. If he wants you to marry some ass with a superiority complex then he can go take a hike because those of us who actually care about your happiness aren't going to allow it."

I stared at him with surprise and immense affection.

"Leonard…"

"He doesn't own you." He said firmly. I smiled and moved closer to him on the couch.

"Thank you," I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I love you." He smiled and hugged me back tightly.

"I love you too."


	3. Word Generator

Minute "Hurry up Tala! What in Gods name is taking you so long?" "Ok, Ok just a minute." I fumbled with my hair trying to get it right. Leonard sighed grumbling to himself.

"Ok, how do I look?" I stepped out of the bathroom and made one last adjustment to my black dress.

"Absolutely gorgeous, now can we go?"

"Oh don't be such a scrooge." I smiled giving his a quick kiss before stepping out into the hallway.

**Impress**

"How do you do it Bones?" Jim asked taking a bite of the apple he was holding.

"What?" Leonard frowned at the out of the blue question.

"I mean," Jim chewed. "You have girls swooning over you left right and centre and you aren't even trying."

"W-What? No I don't." I laughed at his flustered response.

"You do so, practically every nurse in sick bay and half the women on the ship are crazy for you." Jim laughed. Leonard gave him his trademark glare. I smiled laughing and moved closer to him.

"I guess I have lots of competition then." I said hugging his arm. Leonard raised an eyebrow.

"Naw, I don't think so, you two are tighter than Scotty's new wire ducts," Jim smirked. "All I want to know is how you do it?"

"Uh…"

"Jim the difference between you and Leonard is that you like to **impress** women, it's the fact that he's not interested."

"Yeah but that's what I don't understand, I thought women enjoyed attention."

"Yes but we also like a challenge."

**Inconvenience**

I gasped cringing in pain as two of the other doctors lifted me up onto the bio bed. I clutched my stomach and blood flowed out between my fingers. Leonard began scanning the wound as Christine brought him an autosuture. I gave a weak laugh.

"What in gods name is so funny about bleedin' to death?" Leonard said angrily pressing a cloth to the wound in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

"Relax Leonard, it's not as bad as it looks."

"Oh really?" he said applying pressure and making me wince.

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"You seem so sure." He grumbled worriedly.

"Of course, this is nothing more than an **inconvenience**." I smiled at him and received a glare and more grumbling.

**Baby**

"Ouch! Goddamnit!" I rubbed her neck after being hypo-ed for the fifth time.

"Relax you only have four more." Leonard said pulling out another hypospray.

"I think you're enjoying this a little too much." I glared at him.

"Well sorry sweetheart it isn't my fault you got bitten by a Numorian wild-cat that just happened to have rabies and god knows what else, thus giving you nine different contaminative health hazards."

"Your right its not your fault, it's Jim's for dragging me along on that ridiculous away mission, what exactly were we trying to accomplish… no what exactly 'did' we accomplish… Gah!" I rubbed my shoulder giving him a vicious glare.

"Oh, don't be such a **baby**."

**Jungle**

"Damnit Scotty its like a jungle down here." I ducked under a cable.

"Well that's what happens when Romulans decide it's a good idea to cross the neutral zone."

"Well according to Milton it could have been a lot worse." I said dodging a sparking consol.

"Indeed," Scotty said looking around the disaster that used to be the engine room. "My poor, poor ship, what has the world done to ye'"

"Don't worry Scotty, I'm sure she'll be fine once we get back to space dock and have her repaired."

"Aye, lass, I hope so."

**Dictatorship**

"I still think we should keep trying to contact the _Enterprise._" Nurse Vern said holding his communicator up.

"No, we wont be able to contact the ship until we reach the outpost." I said.

"But we don't even know where it is and it's almost night." Ensign Martine said shakily.

"Then I guess we better get walking." Leonard said narrowing his eyes.

"With all due respect sir, I think we should wait here until the _Enterprise _contacts us or an away team arrives." Vern said stubbornly.

"Dually noted nurse, now lets find the outpost, do our job and then we can worry about the _Enterprise._"

"Sir, again, meaning no disrespect but I think everyone votes to wait instead of wandering off into some foreign outback without out a clue what to do." A few of the other doctors and nurses nodded in agreement. Leonard narrowed his eyes.

"Well to bad, this is not a democracy," he whistled loudly, signalling everyone to off their asses and into attention. "It's a **dictatorship**."

Calculation

"Fascinating." Spock said observing the equation that the Binars had just typed into the computer.

"And what exactly is so fascinating Mr. Spock?" Leonard said folding his arms.

"An equation for inter-dimensional peregrination with complete cancellation of trans-spacial paradoxes, doctor."

"In English please."

"It's a formula that will allow a vessel to travel between dimensions and not change or affect the inhabitants of that particular reality." I said stepping closer to the screen and pointing at the random assortment of letters and numbers.

"Oh well you could've just said that." Leonard said eyeing the **calculation** like it was some kind of weird insect.

"That 'is' what I said doctor." Spock replied raising an eyebrow.

Neat

"Wow." I said stepping into the medical supply closet. The room usually looked like the aftermath of a Klingon party. But Leonard had gone on one of his rants about how the stupidity of having an intergalactic spaceship that cost millions of dollars and we couldn't even afford a cleaning crew. I had told him that wasn't the case, it was just that everyone was to afraid to look in the storage let alone even think about 'cleaning' it. And surprisingly when I looked into the room now it was no longer a pigsty. The shelves were neatly packed and everything was labelled. It almost sparkled. I whistled looking around.

"Wow Christine you've really out done yourself."

"No I just… it was a mess so I just you know… cleaned up a bit." She replied modestly.

"Christine, you single handily fixed the disaster that has been building in here for months. I think you deserve a damn promotion."

**Tackle**

"Are you ready Captain?"

"As ready as I'll ever be Mr. Spock." Jim said grinning at his first officer and getting into a ready position. The two started wrestling and Spock flipped Jim onto his back with a 'thud'.

"Are you all right Jim?" Spock said raising an eyebrow staring down at his captain who laughed and got back up.

"Yeah, come on lets go again, I am determined to beat you al least once." They went back to wrestling around while Chekov and Sulu paired up on the other side of the room, while Scotty and Uhura stood awkwardly opposite them. I turned to Leonard who was still grumbling. Jim had made combat training mandatory once a month on the _Enterprise, _Leonard thought it was ridiculous and it had taken them almost an hour of arguing to before he finally gave in, muttering that he was a doctor not a black belt.

"So you ready to get your butt whooped by a girl?" I asked smiling.

"I cannot believe I agreed to do this." He grumbled.

"Oh don't be such a grouch." I grinned then tackled him to the floor.

"Damnit Tala!"

**Ditto**

"I'm taken a sandwich break." Scotty said climbing out of a duct and whipping his hands.

"I'll second that." I said putting my tricorder down.

"**Ditto**." Riley said from where he was working on a command panel. Scotty and I exchanged confused looks.

"**Ditto**?"

**Party**

I fumbled with my high heels. Jim put a finger to his lips.

"Shh…" he hissed. I glared at him.

"Why the hell do I have to wear these things?"

"Because they look good on you." Jim said with a grin.

"Yeah well I'm sure they'd look good on you and I don't see you wearing them." I adjusted the straps on my black dress.

"Stop fussing," Jim whispered. "You look fine."

"Easy for you to say, you're not the one in a dress." I began messing with my hair. Christine smacked my hands.

"Stop it, you look gorgeous." She fixed a strand that had come loose. I sighed.

"Why am I the only one not in uniform?"

"You're his girlfriend, you're supposed to outshine all the rest of us." Jim smirked.

"Jim stop staring at my legs," I glared at him. "You know he is going to kill you for this?"

"For what?"

"You know he hates birthdays, especially his own."

Jim opened his mouth to reply but Chekov interrupted.

"Ee's coming keptain!" everyone shuffled getting ready just as the doors to sickbay hissed open. Leonard walked in.

"What the hell? Who left the lights off?"

Uhura flicked the lights on. Everyone yelled a mix between 'Congratulations' 'Happy Birthday' and 'Surprise'. Leonard looked absolutely stunned. He turned around and started to walk back out of sickbay but Jim grabbed his arm.

"Oh no you don't."

"Jim what the hell is all this? I told you I didn't want a big fuss."

"Oh come on Bones you should know by now that I always do the exact opposite of whatever you tell me to do!" Jim patted him on the shoulder and guided him over to where I was standing next to Spock and Scotty.

"Congratulations doctor." Spock said handing him a glass of champagne. Leonard muttered something like 'thanks'. I smiled at him.

"Happy birthday Leonard." I leaned closer to him and gave him a small kiss. He smiled.

"Well I guess its not all bad," he raised an eye brow looking at my attire. "You look…"

"Ridiculous." I said adjusting her dress again. He grabbed my hand.

"I was gonna say gorgeous but if ridiculous was what you were goin for…" he smiled and Christine came back holding two glasses of champagne.

"Enjoying the party doctor?" She handed me one of the glasses.

"Of course he is," Jim smacked Leonard on the shoulder almost making him spill. "Besides Tala has a special surprise for him afterwards." He winked and he and Spock moseyed off into the crowd. Scotty asked Christine to dance and they were left alone.

"Uh…" I shifted slightly, blushing. "Sorry about this whole thing, I tried to talk Jim out of it but you how he is when he sets his mind on something." I rambled. He took my glass and put both down on one of the bio beds, which was being used as a table.

"Oh, I don't think its that bad." He said wrapping his arms around my waist.

**Flag**

"Jim," I said after he cursed sticking his finger into his mouth for the hundredth time. "What the _hell _are you doing?"

"Huh?" He looked back at me. He was holding a large piece of cloth and a rather sharp look knife like thing that was very very tiny (it's a needle). "Oh this?" he pointed at his project.

"Yeah that."

"Oh I'm sewing a flag for the _Enterprise._" He grinned widely. I raised a brow.

"Umm… why?"

"I don't actually know, I just thought it could use one."

"Well why don't you use a repilactor?"

"I wanted to do it the old fashioned way."

"Do you even know how to sew?"

"That would be a no." He frowned and I rubbed the bridge of my nose.

"Spock!" I shouted. The Vulcan glanced at me, raised an eyebrow then walked over to us.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Tell Jim how weird and what a bad idea this is."

"Hey, you're supposed to encourage me." Jim pouted.

"You should be commanding a starship not sewing a flag that we can't even put up."

"Why not?"

"Do you not understand the laws of physics in space?" I folded her arms.

"No I mean why can't we have some down time? The crew's worked hard, I've worked hard, we deserve some time off, right Spock?" Jim grinned at the Vulcan while I glared, giving him a 'you better agree with me' look.

"I think it would be logical and in my personal safety self interest to remove myself from this conversation." With that he slowly backed away and headed back over to the monitor. I glared at Jim who smiled cheekily not watching what he was doing and stabbed himself with the needle again.

"Damnit!"

**Wessel **

"Ship functions are normal Captain." Sulu said from his pace at the consol. The bridge crew, Leonard and I had been sent in to do a mandatory ship flight and function exam and so far it was going good.

"Captain two Klingon ships have come out of warp." The Asian pilot said suddenly.

"Uhura send out a hail." Jim said instinctively.

"Either their unable to receive or their not responding on purpose Captain, I cant get through." Uhura said moving a few things on her consol.

"Keptin the enemwy **wessel**s are firing!" Chekov said with a real life frightened emotion. And that was when we failed the exam… when a very mature Jim Kirk burst out laughing and continued to giggle like a twit until he fell off his chair.

"Ah haha … **wessel**…"

**Discrimination**

"Pointy eared son of a bitch!"

"Filthy human!"

"Green blooded yellow faced coward!"

"You-"

"Bones!" Jim finally intervened. Leonard stopped yelling at Tevek for a second to look the captain

"What?" he asked angrily.

"Would you two stop it with all that discrimination and make yourselves useful because in case you hadn't noticed we're still under attack!"

**Salesman**

"Ugh."

"Stop your belly aching Jim, it is your fault for getting stupid ass drunk with Scotty and not being able to drink the man under the table as bad as you said you could." Leonard grumbled hypoing the captain in the neck.

"Ouch!"

"Be nice Len," I said cradling Jim's head. "Poor baby's got a hangover." I laughed.

"Yeah whatever Tala don't you go mothering this sorry excuse for a man."

"You know I'm terrible with kids." I grinned letting Jim's head fall.

"Ow." He moaned glaring at me.

"Oh sorry." I laughed at him.

"I hate you both."

"Nope Jimmy you're our captain, it's against your code to treat any of your crew more or less than any other." I wagged a finger at him.

"Wha?" He squinted.

"Ok this'll help with the headache and nausea but it's gonna hurt like a son of a bitch for about five minutes." Leonard said holding up a hypospray.

"Bones you are a _terrible _**salesman**." Jim groaned.

"And you are a terrible person in general so suck it up."

"Ouch."

Let the bitching and moaning commence.

**Sunlight**

"When I said I'd give anything for so **sunlight** this wasn't what I meant!" I shouted as we slowly, once again descended into impending most likely death. The ship was falling into a sun… for the second time this week.

**Heaven**

"Hey Len?" I asked.

"Yes darlin?" he opened his eyes staring at me in the dim light of our quarters.

"Do you believe in **heaven**?"

"I don't know."

"Isn't it a human thing?" I asked.

"Darlin, science kicked religion out the front door several hundred ears ago on Earth."

"But there are those who still believe right?"

"I suppose." He sighed and pulled me closer. "It's late."

"I know," I closed my eyes. "I don't know about anyone else but I would like to believe that after all the tortures of life you get to go to a bright place in the sky where the world is a happier place."

"We all want that Tala," Leonard sighed. "Everyone last one of us."


End file.
